In Which Our Intrepid Hero Ponders His Past Relationships

As you probably can tell from the title of this amazing blog as well as various posts, our intrepid hero is single.  Quite single.  In New York.  And not the rocking awesome single from sitcoms and HBO, but the overworked-lack-of-sleep-don't-feel-like-going-out-would-rather-just-go-home-and-sleep single.

However, this wasn't always the case.  Last year I was in a long term relationship.  Things started off well.  I was excited to meet my new significant other.  I'd heard a lot about him, but we'd never really met face to face.  Things started a bit rocky as we started to get used to each other, but then things went smoothly.  Granted, sometimes we would grate on each other's nerves, like when I wanted him to speed up and he seemed to just take his sweet old time.  Then again, at times he would demand attention from me at the most inopportune times, like when I just wanted to watch TV or sleep or have some single time (which btw, I believe everyone, even those in relationships, should have).

Sometimes I wouldn't check in with him and then guilt would wash over me.  He never got angry, but I could always tell he was just...disappointed.  Anyway, what started out as a casual relationship soon became all consuming.  He seemed to follow me around constantly, always wanting my attention.  Even if I told him I would be away for a weekend and hence, unreachable, I would still have to check in with him the moment I got home.  There were no boundaries.  11 AM, 3 AM, 11 PM, it didn't matter.  When he called, I had to pick up.

Eventually, it came time for us to break up.  I remember the giddy excitement I had when we first met.  But when it came time to part ways, it was like a huge weight was lifted off my shoulders.  I couldn't wait.  I actually still have some of his stuff, but I don't think he really cares.

If you're curious, here's his picture.

Also known as the Electronic Leash

When I broke up with my work Black Berry (and by broke up, I mean forced willingly giving it back when I got laid off), my life became a whole lot freer.  Sure, sometimes it sucks not being able to check my email constantly, but I think the trade off is totally worth it.

Of course, I bounced back quickly.  After all, me and the Electronic Leash weren't completely monogamous.  I had my little trick on the side.  Now he's not really all that flashy, but he gets the job done.  He's there when I need him and if I don't check in for a while, he doesn't get all clingy on me.  Sure he's not quite the status symbol of Mr. Berry, but you know what?  Maybe I'm just a simple, low maintenance kind of guy.  I get my calls, I get my texts, and I even have a nifty little slide out keyboard.

At least I don't feel guilty ignoring him when he rings at 3:00 AM

In our hunt for a meaningful relationship, we're usually fighting between holding out for "the best" or settling down.  But what is the best?  And what do you do if you really can't afford the best?  Do you still hold out for it?  Do you find a way to get it no matter the cost?

An iPhone may look sleek and shiny and be a status symbol.  But it freezes up just like a frigid trophy wife when you try to hold it in public.  Is that what you want?  Or do you settle with a utility phone without the bells and whistles but won't drop your calls and doesn't mind driving the kids to soccer in a green minivan?  Perhaps you settle for a mid-range Droid, with a few hiccups here or there but mostly works.  But then, do you get iPhone envy?  And do the flashy iPhoners ever wonder what life would be like with something simpler?  Let's recall that the iPhone tracks your every move like Dido a crazy stalker and can only be used with certain accessories you have to buy at a premium.  Hello, can we say "baggage"?

Plus let's recall our lesson from last week, when we learned that joining a cult isn't usually a good idea

But the snazziness of your significant other isn't the only consideration.  Are you the type of person that wants to date around casually and try new things?  Maybe you're not ready for the commitment of a year long contract, so you try something month to month.  Or maybe you're looking for a little extra security, and you worry that if you wait too long, the deal will vanish into this air?  Are you looking for a cheap date who doesn't mind sitting at home and watching movies while eating delivery Chinese, or is your Nobu-loving date only worth it if you invest in their unlimited data plan?

And finally, when it comes to upgrading, what do you do?  Do you stand by the date that's stood by you, or are you in line two days early when Cult Leader Jobs announces something new?  Do you anxiously wait for upgrades or do you not really care?  Are you quick to jump on the next big thing, or do you wait to make sure that they're not completely crazy or have other issues?

In the end, only you can make these decisions, but hopefully, the way you find a phone will help you cope with your own love life.  Or heck, perhaps your own love life can help you deal with your phone anxiety.  But seriously, it's just a phone.  I mean, being able to load Angry Birds on your phone isn't going to help get you laid, no matter what Steve Jobs may tell you.  Now Grindr on the other hand...