Friday, July 1, 2011

F***ed Up Friday: "White Flag" by Dido

Welcome back, cats and kittens.  It's Friday already.  And since it's a beautiful Friday and just a few hours separates us from a sunny three day weekend (if you're in Canada, it's already the weekend...Happy Canada Day!), I won't make any reference to that Friday song.

Instead, it's time to turn inward and examine our own emotional needs and the crazy songs that go with it.  However, I've started to notice a trend:  No matter who we're talking about, the topic usually devolves into discussions of how Dido will cut you or that vampirism does not make stalking sexy (especially when said stalker is a creepy pedophile).  So I've just decided to cut all the pretense and cut right to the chase:  Dido cutting a vampire.

From her 2003 album "Life For Rent," today's FUF selection is "White Flag" by Dido:


First of all, before we go any further.  The whole wall of pictures?  The wall of pictures that both of them have?  Yeah...unhealthy creepy stalker behavior.  Moving on...

So who is tall, dark and brooding?  Yep, that's Angel himself, David Boreanaz, the original emo vampire stalker.  And before you get all crabby about how dare I make any inference that Angel and Edward Cullen are similar, let's take a look at the facts, shall we?

1.  They're both stalkers:  Now yes, granted, Angel at least asked before he snuck into Buffy's window, but let's be honest, Angel did kind of follow her around...a lot.  Like a stalker.  So one's a creepy stalker, the other is just a slightly less creepy stalker.  To-may-to, To-mah-to.

2.  They're both cradle robbers:  Edward is 119 or something like that.  Bella was in high school.  Angel's several hundred year's old.  Buffy's in high school.  Nuff said.

3.  Bad hair.

"His hair was dripping wet, disheveled — even so, he looked like he'd just finished shooting a commercial for hair gel. His dazzling face was friendly, open, a slight smile on his flawless lips. But his eyes were careful."  ~ Is this a description of Edward or Angel...it's tough to tell

Of course, regardless of how absolutely disturbing Edward and Angel are, they pale in comparison (hee I'm so punny) to the cray-cray of Dido.  Let's take a look

I know you think that I shouldn't still love you,
Or tell you that.
But if I didn't say it, well I'd still have felt it
where's the sense in that?

I promise I'm not trying to make your life harder
Or return to where we were


HA!  Like I'm going to believe that.  This is the same girl who once told us to close the blinds and shut the door, you won't need other friends anymore.  And she'll make us weaker like a child.  And asks quietly and calmly, "So you won't be leaving will you?"

Anyway, maybe she's changed her ways and decided NOT to cling to a relationship that's just doomed to failure.  That would be a first.  Let's read on and see.

I will go down with this ship
And I won't put my hands up and surrender
There will be no white flag above my door
I'm in love and always will be


Wait what?  Like 5 seconds ago you were saying how you were NOT trying to return to where you were before (locking them up in your basement?) and now you're singing about how you refuse to let the love die?  This is not the attitude of someone who's moved on.  This is the attitude of a woman with a knife threatening to cut you if you try to leave her.

I know I left too much mess and
destruction to come back again
And I caused nothing but trouble
I understand if you can't talk to me again
And if you live by the rules of "it's over"
then I'm sure that that makes sense


Yes, Dido, because see here in the real world, we do these things called "break ups."  That's when you realize that a specific relationship isn't going to work out and you end it.  You don't get Glenn Close-style creepy.

I will go down with this ship
And I won't put my hands up and surrender
There will be no white flag above my door
I'm in love and always will be

And when we meet
Which I'm sure we will
All that was there
Will be there still
I'll let it pass
And hold my tongue


Oh good...so you're going to finally let it go...

And you will think
That I've moved on....

This...this is the creepiest line in the whole song.  Because while you think she's gotten over you, she's secretly planning on pulling a "Don't Leave Home" on you.  Just you wait.

I will go down with this ship
And I won't put my hands up and surrender
There will be no white flag above my door
I'm in love and always will be

I will go down with this ship
And I won't put my hands up and surrender
There will be no white flag above my door
I'm in love and always will be

I will go down with this ship
And I won't put my hands up and surrender
There will be no white flag above my door
I'm in love and always will be


We get it.  The relationship may be over, but not for you.  Oh no.  You will love them.  You will love them so hard it hurts.  You will make them love you.  And if they won't you will make sure that they can never love anyone again...

You think she moved on.  That was your mistake.

Now before you all get all "Why are you picking on Dido?" I have to say that I do enjoy her music.  I have all her CDs.  But saying Dido's a little crazy is like saying some one's a little pregnant.

Now excuse me, I have to go close the blinds and shut the door.  If I sit alone in the dark, she won't find me...

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